Days 7-14 (WOW I totally suck at being consistent)

Last night I got back from vacation, and I just want to preface by saying I ate SO MUCH between Wednesday and Sunday, OH MY GOODNESS. And I feel like an inflated balloon. Hahaha. But the thing is, my parents and my brother's ano GF were like "OMG you look SO SKINNY" blahblahblah even by the end of my week long binge hahaha so I am not too worried. I feel like I have food inside of me that needs to get out so today I mostly fasted and I will probably eat a lot less this week than I usually do, but honestly after eating approximately 3000 calories per day this past week (not even kidding), I'm not hungry at all. Hah. So it's not a big deal, I am not worried about gaining weight, I think I will be back to normal by the end of this week! On break, I went shopping SO MUCH and bought sooooo many new clothes I am super excited! Lots of big sweaters for that baggy "heroin chic" look lol, scarves, jewelry, pants, cords, skirts, tops, tights, leggings, just SO MUCH STUFF. I am so materialistic, it makes me feel so good. Sadly this guy I have had a pathetic crush on for a long time just became a dad. What the fuck. He never told me he got a girl preg, but I found out via being a total stalker, and the baby was just born last week, so I def needed a break and am so glad I got away for awhile. Ugh. I haven't seen him yet, I don't really know what to say/how to act. I know I should probably congratulate him, I even contemplated buying a gift, but IDK I also feel like a stalker for knowing about it hahaha. Oh well. Back to the questionnaire!

Day seven: Do your friends and family know you are trying to lose weight?

At the moment, no, just that I am on a "Health Kick." Bullshitbullshitbullshit. But kind of true. That's how it always starts, anyway.

Week Two!
If you broke your unhealthy habit for one week, congratulations! Why not try two weeks?

Weekly challenge: Get organised! This week try to plan tomorrow’s meal the night before.

Day eight: Name 5 things you like about your body (you can do it) and the one body part you’d like to change the most. 

 

I like my stomach (it's usually pretty flat and my waist stays trim even in fat times), I like my face, I love my lips, I like my wrists (they are bony and delicate), I like my shoulders (they are always bony and narrow). I can't decide between my thighs and my arms. My thighs are thick, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that no guy has ever talked shit about them, in fact, I get tons of compliments on them (but seriously, they are thick. Like, at my skinniest, 22.5." At my average weight, 24.5." HUGE.), so I can't really decide. Also, they aren't flabby, they are just thick and muscular (although I do have a bit of over the knee fat which I hate, and inner thigh fat, and cellulite, and stretch marks, and ew ew ew ok stopstopstop). My arms are embarrassing though. From behind especially. Very flabby. GROSSSSS.

 

Day nine: What is your favourite food, healthy or unhealthy.

Pizza with extra mozzarella.

Day ten: Do you eat breakfast? What do you usually have?

These days, oatmeal with a bit of granola, sometimes with blueberries or raisins or flaxseeds on top. In the past, I'd eat yogurt and an egg white. If I am hungover, I like stuff like waffles with tons of sugar and syrup, cheesy omelettes/scrambled eggs, bagel with tons of cream cheese, etc.

Day eleven: What are your family’s eating habits like?

No one in my family cooks. So we basically just eat out all the time. My mom likes to snack on cheese, she is kind of chub (though only since age 40, up till then she was actually super thin, I guess her metabolism stopped but her bad habits continued, especially since she was a stay at home mom with lots of time to eat...although she definitely went on plenty of "crash diets" - aka eating disorder, all her life until now). We order deep dish pizza a lot. We like this diner with horribly unhealthy food. We like italian food a lot. We eat pasta a lot. We eat too much. My dad is pretty thin. Both my parents are very healthy for 60 years old, and they both look just fine, so I would say I'm not too worried about my genetics. We don't eat processed foods, in fact I don't think we've ever had white bread in our house EVER, and never sugary cereals, etc. No diet soda. My mom is vehemently against diet soda. She barely drinks caffeine. Sometimes some ice tea before noon, that's it. My parents are weird with food because we never have real food in our house, but at the same time, I love their style because they just kind of do whatever, eat a ton, and they are totally fine. :)

Day twelve: What are your friend’s eating habits like?

This is an interesting question. My friends fall into 3 categories: Eating disorder, healthy eaters, overweight "I LOVE MY BODY" eaters. My friends with eating disorders tend to eat nothing in public, and fabricate food allergies all the time ("Oh I'm suddenly allergic to gluten...no more bread!") but then they end up buying a lot of food to store in their rooms in private, so I never see them eat it. I know I have bulimic friends but it's different with them, none of them have an extreme bulimia such that I see how much they eat and get concerned (if they do, they do it in private). My healthy friends (which are few and far between) tend to eat a ton like a "normal college student," especially a ton of shitty food like pizza, cookies, ice cream. But they either work out or don't, and manage to stay looking normal, and thin. This is the category I fall into whenever I seem to be out of the clutches of my eating issues. It's funny that I consider this healthy, because it's not like they are making sure to eat whole grains and vegetables, etc., but it's more about the mindset and just not worrying about it too much, and not having to worry about it because metabolisms are effective. My fat friends (I only have one) act like they have such a healthy body image, and such a healthy relationship with food (get off your high horse BITCH), and such a healthy work out regime (Yeah I saw you walking on the elliptical, like ONCE, liar) (can you tell how I really feel? hahaha) but I totally see them eating multiple desserts per meal. Like, who really needs to eat 2 cookies and ice cream every lunch time? And she blames her genes for her overweightness. Give me a break. Hahaha. Here's where the genetics come in: either you can eat whatever the fuck you want and not get fat, or you eat whatever the fuck you want and you will get fat (probably cause you were born fat). But you can always lose weight, you just have less budgeting space available if your genetics are fat. UGH.

Day thirteen: Is your diet ever negatively influenced by your friends? Do they pressure/tempt you to eat unhealthy food?

During the week they know I have this "brain food" regime, where I don't eat junk food, so it's pretty easy for me to not fall into whatever they're doing. On the weekends there's pressure to drink (SO MANY CALORIES) and then if I see them eating something that looks good, I will feel more inclined to grab one for myself.

Day fourteen: Do you ever allow yourself a “rest day” from exercise or a “cheat day” from your diet?

Yes, the weekends. It's the only way I can stay away from the total depression I have felt before from starving myself all the time, and it's the only way I can stay away from slipping back into anorexia. It's also the only way I can stay away from slipping back into bulimia because if I eat "more" on Wednesdays, and again on the weekends, I am restricting less and will therefore have less out of control binges. It actually works for me. I have been there enough times to know that, this restricting is inevitable for me, it's a way I handle things in my life, but I don't want to be sick anymore, so I have to stay sane somehow. Being lax about my diet a few days a week helps me with that.