Day 17-23 and formaaal

Day seventeen: Have you ever been called fat? Or skinny?
Yes, people constantly call me skinny, but I think they're just being polite. When I hit puberty I always felt large in comparison to other people, but I don't think anyone called me fat. Maybe they did. I don't remember specifically. I just remember being freakishly tall as the first girl in my 6th grade class to reach 5 feet tall. How silly. My ex boyfriend called me fat once because I kept telling him to be honest and I wouldn't let up at all, I think his friend was saying how I was too fat or something and I found out about it, and I was so upset. In hindsight, I think the friend was just mad that he was spending more time with me than with him, but I guess I'll never know :(

Day eighteen: Do you have to eat any meals with your family? Are they for or against your diet?
Now that I've been in college and living on my own, most of the meals I eat with my family are holidays or vacations. So usually they are against my diet. If I diet my mom compliments my weight loss and asks the obligatory "Are you eating?" but mostly she tells me to stay the way I am. My mom has always made it a rule that basically I'm not allowed to know my weight. But obviously I do.

Day nineteen: Have you ever lied to avoid eating something?
Yes. In fact, just yesterday, my teacher ordered pizza for our class. First of all, what the hell - pizza isn't brain food. But apparently people find it alarming when someone chooses NOT to pig out on pizza in CLASS. What is wrong with society?

Day twenty: Do you binge? How often and what triggers it?
Yes. Boredom. The second I start to watch TV, I feel I need to binge eat. It's mostly just TV-induced. When I eat too much at holidays or restaurants, I don't technically consider it a "binge" because it isn't as pathetic since it's somewhat social, but it still is a binge because it's too many calories. I also can't eat a little bit of certain foods without needing to eat the entire thing. I'm getting slightly better at this problem, though, but I still screw up. That's why I need a couple days off a week.

Day twenty-one: Do you listen to music when you work out?
 Yes! I have to! I have a playlist of house music and trance music that I love to run to. My favorite workout music is Avicii, Kaskade, Calvin Harris, ATB, Armin van Buuren, and a lot of other music that falls into a similar category. Some of it is upbeat (like Avicii and ATB), others are just very good at getting me going at a steady pace for a longer period of time and zoning my head out (like Kaskade).

Week four!

Weekly challenge: Switch up your diet. Try one fruit and one vegetable you’ve never tried before, and learn how to cook a new healthy meal.

Day twenty-three: Do you feel that your weight holds you back socially?
Sometimes I feel my diet does. Sometimes I feel like I critique my body too much and accidentally I do it in front of others. I think that annoys people. Sometimes I feel like my legs are too fat for outfits, especially my knees. I also feel like I can't wear leggings with shirts that don't cover my hips. I wish I could. I'm not sure if that's social or not, but it impacts confidence I suppose.



In other news, I went to a fraternity's formal this weekend. I haven't been eating great for awhile since Thanksgiving, but looking at the pictures I don't look as huge as I thought I would be. At the formal they fed me this huge plate of pasta with ALFREDO sauce, chicken, ice cream, brownies, tons of champagne, ughhhh. Here's a picture, I actually really like the way I look even though my butt looks huge. I think I look super healthy. I wish I could stay like that without worrying, you know? Even though it is by no means how thin I would be had I not pigged out for 2 weeks straight :( I would say I weigh 140 in this picture. My friend who was super drunk kept gushing to me all night about how healthy and happy and skinny and pretty I looked. IDK why but that made me smile the entire night :)