New beginnings

School's started and I'm back on my dieting and I've decided to start blogging again. The past two weeks I've lost 10 pounds (152 to 142) because it's the start of a diet and my body's shocked and flushing out all the bad foods I ate before. My goal is 125. This year I feel different than before. Studying abroad last year I felt so free and I stopped obsessing about weight/food/body things and just lived and it was unforgettable. But I crave the control, and the autumn weather is the perfect amount of coldness to really snuggle in with that control and empty feeling. There's no better feeling than swimming in fall clothes. I fell in love when I was abroad and he acted like he wanted to do long distance and he was going to move out here. But of course after 2 months of long distance he cheated on me. I hate all males. I don't want to hook up with anyone, I don't want to date anyone. I just don't know what to do with myself. All I can do is focus on school and my body and my friends, which is fine since it's my last year of university. The only guy who doesn't make me want to vomit, has a child. So I hate him. But I do like flirting with him. Does that make me a bad person? I can't help myself. I've been attracted to him for so long before I knew about the child. Now I just don't care about anyone so he's just a reason to get excited about something. I don't know if that makes sense.

Though I haven't been posting, I've been reading blogs on here. I'm so inspired. Let's do this.