crazy night

Last night I hooked up with kendall again, same sexy ass guy with huge muscles as from awhile ago when we did cocaine together. he is fucking hot. he kept rubbing my ribcage and hipbones and i felt soooo fucking gorgeous and skinny in his giant arms. nice. we were up until 6 AM hooking up to kaskade/deadmau5 in his bed. so this is kind of funny, he has a cousin who he is very good friends with. at the party, i was dancing with his cousin just for fun, but then his cousin tried to make out with me and i rejected him because i have gotten with kendall many times before. his cousin said, "no, it's ok, kendall and i share everything." LOL. yeah right. sick. so i obviously didn't kiss the cousin hahahaha.

but omg, every time i do that with kendall, i just feel awesome the next day even though i only got like 2 hours of sleep. my body is covered in bruises from him, even on my face (hahahaha). he ravages me ;) ughhhh i want him. he is the only guy i can hook up with without pretending he is someone else. with other guys, i always just pretend they are this guy R, who works in my school's dining hall. i know, pathetic right? R is the sexiest man alive, and if kendall were 3 inches taller, kendall would top him. YUMMY. i really want to hook up with R just once so i can get over it :)

so sorry this was a boy crazy post.

back to my monday - friday no bread diet tomorrow. i'm excited, i love the feeling of being in control. i don't follow the diet on weekends, so that i can drink and stimulate my metabolism. and honestly, it works. i don't go into starvation mode so i can keep losing weight :)!!!! and no bread/bad sugars during the week helps me concentrate in school and lord knows i need all the help i can get with my ADD!!!!!

i hope y'all are doing well. i know some of you, i used to follow your blogs and comment, and i still read them, i just need to figure out what's going on with my diet because i don't really think i am having disordered eating patterns anymore, just a calorie restricted diet during the weekdays. and so i don't know how i can really contribute to your lives because i know this is somewhat of an ED community, and i don't really feel i fit in anymore, which is probably good in many ways, at least for my recovery and future. and also, many of the people who i used to talk to on here don't seem to be blogging anymore, so i need to start finding new people to follow <3

but one thing's for sure, don't be like pumpkinface hehe. and nothing tastes as good as thin feels. that's for DAMN sure.

love y'all, and i want to get back into the blogging world but baby steps for me ok?