ahh :)

i feel so relaxed right now. i ate exactly 0 calories today :) and i went into boston and went shopping. i bought a new bottle of my favorite perfume - burberry's the beat. and a dress from urban outfitters. and a tight white shirt (oooh i love feeling skinny) and knee high socks from H&M. i noticed that boots with longer socks over leggings are really popular these days. i like the look. then i sat in the boston commons and chainsmoked/peoplewatched till i felt dizzy and freezing. then i went home. nice. i'm so calm. it's great.

oh and today i met with my nutritionist. she said that the only way to prevent binging is by stopping restricting. fuck that. well, i definitely believe her. but i'm not ready yet. i want to get lower and lower weight. ah well. she also said that at my height, i need to be eating at least 2000 calories a day. and she said that i need to eat fat at every meal. sooo essentially, it was nice to hear these things, but i am in no way ready to begin that lifestyle. maybe in time i will be, but for now, my eating disorders are (stressful and obsessive and crazy as they are) somewhat comforting, when i starve i feel like i have control and clarity. she also said that i need to separate food and exercise in my life...as in, not think of calories when i exercise, and if i over-eat one day, to not exercise more. she wants me to cap my exercising off at 1 hour and 45 minutes perday for now. she wants me to eventually get down to 90 minutes per day, but she didn't want to freak me out too much. i don't really know what to make of this...so i went into boston for some me-time and that's the story of today! haha.

thanks to all my followers and for your wonderful comments! it's so nice to be in your company :)

xoxo