blah blah blah long!!

Hi guys! Thanks for following and reading my blog! There is so much I can't say in "real life" and it's so nice knowing others are there with me. So I haven't weighed myself in a long, long time. I'm trying to not weigh myself until I feel skinny again. (OMG but I am an ex-anorexic/currently-heading-back-to-anorexia so that is gonna be, like, never, right? Hah.) I'll probably give in weigh myself tonight haha. No. I won't. Boooo. Besides, it's less depressing to weigh yourself in the morning after you wake up and pee. But I can't strip down whenever my roommate is in the room, soooo this is helping my sanity.

Yesterday I again ate nothing but fiber and protein.
Breakfast:
Hard boiled egg white (17 cal)
Lunch:
Slice of multigrain bread (110 cal...ugh but I need the fiber!!!)
Between lunch/dinner:
1 cup of dry Kashi crunch cereal (190 cal.. again ew but actually it's really tasty and filling and fibery)
Dinner:
Hard boiled egg white (17 cal... they had egg salad sandwiches so I took one and scraped everything off the eggs, it was kinda funny at the time)
Apple (80 cal)

...SO yesterday I ate like 330 calories. But then I burned 500 at the gym (65 minutes elliptical, 30 minutes toning, plus stretching which I don't count calories for) --> net 170. Yeah I can tell I'm not eating enough because my circulation is terrible (blue fingernails when I exercise, numb feet). I'm trying to eat more today because my exercise is non-negotiable and I still feel bloated. So far I'm roughly at 450 (Egg-17, oatmeal-120, Kashi-190, apple-80, lettuce/cucumbers-20), but I'm not worried because I burn a lot at the gym.

Oh and thanks for all your advice about the boy! I think things are going to be good :)
One more thing that I think is kind of weird. My roommate is triggering my ED. She doesn't even realize it. But every time I go to the gym, I don't say anything about how much I exercise because I don't like talking about it around people who don't understand this ED. I also don't say exactly how long I'm there, I kind of act like I make a few stops and that's why I get home so late. But she is semi aware that I do more than the average person, and she gets extremely defensive about her gym habits,, even though I never ask about them or talk about mine. It's like she is trying to prove that she exercises. That triggers me. It makes me panic. I don't know why. All I know is that it is triggering something in me that I hate. My anorexic part is so competitive and obsessed with perfection that I hate hate hataeeeeeee when people compare themselves to me, directly or indirectly.