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Friday, October 15, 2010

hate the weekends

At my "healthier" times, I lived for the weekend. I partied like it was my job, got wasted, got high, hooked up with strangers, danced on tables, and spent hours primping. Now I honestly don't think I have even washed my hair in like 6 days. My roommate is trying to get me to go out this weekend because apparently I am shutting myself in. I'm aware. I'm so far in that I don't think I can come out. I can only imagine the conversation if she convinced me to go out:


Roommate: You're wearing THAT?! (pointing at my baggy sweatpants and sweatshirt)
Me: I wear this every day.

Ugh. I know I have relapsed into Ana's too tight arms. I can tell. But I feel too incompetent anywhere else.

I hate weekends. There is no class, so no real schedule to abide by and pass the time with. I hope I have enough self-control not to weigh myself. The gym is never open late on the weekends, so I have to finish my workout tonight by 10 PM. Which leaves me to go back to my room and feel more alone. That's what these blogs are for, really. Anyone else feel more alone than ever on the weekends? What are you planning to do this weekend?
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3 comments:

  1. The Secret MeOctober 15, 2010 at 6:32 PM

    NEW to you blog :) haha
    almost as new to following yours that you are to blogging :)
    what am I doing? sitting at home studying and going to work.... ahhhh the life I lead... But it was my friends 18th birthday party so I did go to that last night :)
    stay strong love xx

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  2. Casablanca October 15, 2010 at 6:51 PM

    Im going out for the first time in forever, and I am sooo excited. I used to be the exact same as you.. partied like it was my job. And I was a star employee, let me tell you.


    Now Im going to try as hard as I can to go and look hot, and then spend the entire night feeling not, and feeling incompetent. Ahhh, the lives we live. I felt sexier when I was 15 pounds heavier and didn't care about the food I put into my mouth.

    Thanks for your sweet comment, it made my night a little brighter :)

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  3. AnonymousOctober 16, 2010 at 1:35 AM

    I say do what makes you feel good. If you want to curl up with a good book and a glass of wine- go for it! if you want to party like there's no tomorrow, have fun! But balance is always a good thing, maybe you'll have fun? Stay strong xxx

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